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How to find the love you want

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Getting the Love You How to find the love you want A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix. A Guide for Couples 4. Originally attain more loving, supportive and deeply satisfying relationships. In this groundbreaking book, Dr Harville Hendrix shares with you what he has learned about the psychology of love during more than thirty years of working as a therapist and helps you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. For this edition of his classic boo Originally attain more loving, supportive How to find the love you want deeply satisfying relationships.

For this edition of his classic book, Dr Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, have added a new introduction describing the powerful influence this book has had on so many people over the years. Paperbackpages. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

To ask other readers questions about Getting the Love You Wantplease sign up. Is this book good to read alone if you are going to marriage counseling with husband and don't think he will also read the book at this time? Even if only one of you reads it, it can only help! See 2 questions about Getting the Love You Want …. Lists with This Book.

Jan 12, Neja rated it really liked it Shelves: I heard of this book when Oprah was interviewing Alanis Morissette. They both read it and praised it and Oprah said that Stedman and she wouldn't be together anymore if she hadn't read this book.

That made me interested in reading this book. I How to find the love you want like to read self help books, because these books require a lot of digging and bringing out everything that is painful and they are not just some easy breezy reading, but you have to do some work. This book makes you open your eyes a little bit more I heard of this book when Oprah was interviewing Alanis Morissette. This book makes you open your eyes a little bit more and you see things differently. You do kind of get the feeling, that every relationship will go sour sooner or later, but you mustn't run away but you have to work on your relationship.

Well, his work is based on relationships that didn't work so. I don't know, maybe he should examine the ones that do work. I think that would be a lot more thorough and realistic. At first I loved this book, but then I read a few reviews and it made me realize that even though I like psychology, I like to read about these topics and I think it's important that every person is in touch with it, I am obviously no expert and I have no clue about it, so I can't really judge if this book is right or wrong.

I How to find the love you want in between 3 and 4 stars. View all 4 comments. This was an assigned book and not one that I would normally read. The officiant my fiancee and I chose for our wedding is both a minister and a therapist and he asked that we read this book as part of the counseling he requires for all couples he officiates for.

It is not a dreadful book and there are some good thoughts in it. However, as a sociologist, I have substantial issues with certain aspects of this book, of which I will outline three below. However, their analysis is based not on a random survey of individuals either in the US or globally but on couples that came to them for marriage counseling. In the social sciences this is called "selecting on the dependent variable".

That is, they are generalizing across couples who are seeking help, not all couples whose marriage is in trouble or let alone all couples including happily married ones. Their model should be tested against happily married couples. If happily married couples are inherently doing the kinds of things the authors think that all couples should be doing, this would strengthen their hypotheses.

The authors at time come close to recognizing that married couples are not separate from their home culture but are intimately bound up with it.

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I do respect the authors' attempts to move beyond the "self-actualization" paradigm. I think that in the coming decades American culture will continue to critique and move past the ideology of hyper-individualism reigning especially from the late ss.

When it comes to finding...

I am not a communitarian or a libertarian - I think that neither pure individualism or pure communitarianism is the answer. That this book made an effort to do How to find the love you want is commendable, but there is much farther yet to go.

Again, I think this book is speaking primarily to Baby Boomers, and I wonder how different Gen Xers and millennials are with respect to marriage. These criticisms aside, and putting to one side also the "pop psychology" tone of the book, I was on How to find the love you want whole satisfied that whatever the How to find the love you want and demerits of the authors' ideas and examples, this book contains little that is really dangerous.

The advice is generally good and is not by itself likely to cause problems, if read carefully and critically. View all 5 comments. Dec 09, Scott Moore rated it really liked it. I just gave four stars to a freaking self-help book. Really, though, this book's relevance surprised me, cynic that I am about this kind of book. Harville Hendrix is heavy on the nuance and light How to find the love you want the cheese, and his descriptions of "fusers" and "isolaters" are incredibly useful.

I determined I'm switchy with a lean towards "fuser". And the exersizes are pretty cool, too. I tend to be ambivalent when it comes to the self-help genre.

It's natural for someone in my field to feel this way, and my views have also been influenced by books like Sham: And yet, there are a few self-help books which speak to me and offer language for speaking to my clients.

Overall, this was one of them. Interestingly enough, I heard a speech at my synago I tend to be ambivalent when it comes to the self-help genre. Interestingly enough, I heard a speech at my synagogue over the weekend commenting that self-help books offer no new advice and are useless unless the reader commits himself to accepting responsibility for his choices. In fact this book's advice is arguably not new -- its points rest on the age-old premise that the only way to change your marriage is to stop trying to change your spouse and to work instead on your own issues.

At the same time, the book offers some interesting insights in a highly readable tone, and even better, details several How to find the love you want exercises to be done with or without your spouse, independent of How to find the love you want therapist, which can enhance your marriage.

You need a bit of a tolerance for psychspeak dialogue, but the exercises were interesting and many sounded like they could be helpful. I found myself thinking back on several of the couples I've worked with and wishing I could have shared some of the information in this book with them.

I think this is a useful book for both therapists and laypeople interested in working on relationships. Jun 15, Kelly rated it liked it. This book makes sense, but is also really frustrating. The main point, that couples fight because of unfulfilled childhood issues, makes sense to a point as do his solutions. I really like some of the exercise ideas, even though I have a sneaking suspicion I am too lazy to do them with my spouse, but I think they will work in diffusing student complaints.

All too often, examples suggest women are overly talkative and emotional This book makes sense, but is also really frustrating.

Originally published in , Getting...

All How to find the love you want often, examples suggest women are overly talkative and emotional, and quick to anger, but not in touch with their sexual desires.

I really don't know that many women who fit the stereotype of women as all emotional, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and sexually repressed. On the other hand, a lot of my male companions fit that bill.

How to find the love you want time for the editor and writers to interrogate their examples and flip the gendering around to make this book more for REAL people.

I have to admit - frustrations aside - this book, along with all the leadership crap I'm reading - has made me think more about how and what I communicate, and what is realistic in terms of expectations of others. Feb 28, Keri rated it really liked it. I remember years ago, when my marriage was heading south, picking up this book and halfheartedly trying the exercises- knowing my ex would not want to have any part of it. I still wish I'd read it at that point or after- my marriage would have likely still failed, but I may have been better prepared How to find the love you want the love that came after.

While I think that simply reducing relationships and areas for conflict to unresolved childhood wounds is a bit simplistic How to find the love you want its own, a lot of this made sense- at least I remember years ago, when my marriage was heading south, picking up this book and halfheartedly trying the exercises- knowing my ex would not want to have any part of it.

While I think that simply reducing relationships and areas for conflict to unresolved childhood wounds is a bit simplistic on its own, a lot of this made sense- at least for mass relationship counseling through paperback. I wish I had had the vocabulary earlier to articulate that sometimes I don't need to be right in fact, often I know what I'm saying or interpreting is absolutely ridiculous!

And I need the validation from the kind of person who does not know how or does not want to give it to me. It's really key for me- and it comes from parents who loved me and I always knew it intellectually, but didn't often feel it but invalidated my feelings How to find the love you want a pretty early age too. It's funny that when in instances where I get that validation early on, I am currently discovering I need it less than I thought I did.

I've noticed this in my professional life, but never connected the dots before. I tend to choose people who are more passive about their lives- and I want to activate them, but at the same time I value that they can just be calm and live in the moment more than I can. At the very least, I got some insight from reading this - and hopefully some stronger tools for being able to communicate in a way that allows me to ask for more active participation in a relationship and to be understood and empathized with while realizing that I have a tendency to be intense and overwhelming with How to find the love you want people I care about.

I think there's a companion book for singles, and may check that out! I have to admit that I did not finish reading this book. This is rare for me -- usually I will doggedly slog through whatever book I choose to pick up, no matter how bad it turns out to be. So please understand what a thorough aversion I must have had to How to find the love you want this book after only ten days and a few chapters.

I gave it my best effort, really I did. But the love-seeking process described in this book struck me as so inherently selfish and self-serving as to leave me completely disinterested and I have to admit that I did not finish reading this book.

But the love-seeking process described in this book struck me as so inherently selfish and self-serving as to leave me completely disinterested and even a bit turned off. Though we live in a world with seemingly endless opportunities to meet people, finding love can feel like searching for the needle in a haystack. Our attraction to a mate is based on many things, not the least of which is the almost innate ability to find someone who drives you crazy.

In the bestselling book, "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix, this theory is explained well. Hendrix says that we always choose a. Getting the love you want: a guide for couples . selection, we find that that what we do is to look for someone Why do we want to find such specific people?.

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